It is that time of year where people ask me, “What is that stuff on your pond?” How should I know? It is green and slimy, so I thought it was algae. Some people tell me it is duck weed, and yet others say it is something else entirely. If I had a clue what it was, I would deal with it. It starts growing in the spring and can nearly cover our pond, then dies off in the fall. Algae treatments don’t seem to effect it. I looked up Duckweed on the internet. Google says someone is going to have to get wet to check this out.

I have decided to try adding some algae eating fish to the pond. Let’s be clear. I know slightly less about ponds than I know about fish. But Theisen’s Farm store is advertising that it is time to order your fish. I’m in! Sell me some fish. So here is the problem. They are selling Bluegill, Sunfish, Catfish, Bass, Minnows (do people really buy minnows to stock ponds?), Carp and Koi. I’ve heard of some of these, but couldn’t pick any of them out of a line up except Koi and Catfish. Which ones eat algae and duckweed? Which ones don’t otters eat? It is a mystery to me.

Then there is the fine print. “Bring your own pond water and container on delivery day.” Are you kidding? In what? How big are these fish, and how much pond water do they need? Do I need a plastic bag, cooler or a tank? When you get a fish at the State Fair, they provide the bag AND the water.

“Suggested stocking rate for 1 acre pond.” Um, how big is my pond? I know it is less than an acre. I figured this out by circling the pond on an aerial shot of our property and cutting 14 copies of the circle out. I placed them on the image of our 14 acre lot, and they didn’t cover it; so I know it is less than an acre. Clever, huh! The pond is too big for a measuring tape, so I suspect that you need one of those gadgets with a wheel to measure it. What is that going to cost me? This should be easier.

I’m going to go spread some grass seed. That is something I know how to do.

*This post was written a while ago but not published.  It is part of a series of posts dedicated to my friend Charlotta who is battling cancer for a second time and needs some laughs.