I keep hearing the words “courage” and “bravery” associated with me and find that ironic because I actually feel selfish. I’m not brave in this battle. I’m fighting for my life. Bravery is that which you sacrifice for others. Our soldiers are brave. Our firefighters are brave. And our police are brave. I on the other hand, just don’t plan to die. I have things I want to do. So my only choice is in how I plan to face this battle.
I would like to say that I considered curling up in a ball and letting this all wash over me, but that isn’t my nature. I’m more like a Bull Terrier with a chew toy . . . pulling and tugging and trying to manage the situation. I may not have the grace and elegance of Robin Roberts as she faces her battle, but I do have humor on my side. I have always looked at the world in a quirky way and things that shouldn’t, make me laugh. And usually, when I’m laughing at inappropriate times, my friend Tess is at my side and we are in stitches.
I don’t have a bucket list, but I have started a small list of unfinished things that I plan to do once chemo is over:
- Be on the Ellen Degeneres Show and shamelessly plug my blog
- Get an email from Robin Roberts saying I made her laugh
- Travel to Australia and New Zealand with Gene next November to celebrate our 30th Anniversary (late)
- Write a book and dedicate it to my Dad
- Put up the best Christmas tree ever next year (this year is going sans tree)
- Hug my children and thank my husband every chance I get
So call me strong. Call me determined. And please, oh please, call me funny. But don’t call me brave.
(These first two posts were written at the beginning of my journey. I have posted them here, at the top of my blog, permanently because they summarize my journey. If you are new to blogs, all posts are in reverse chronological order. For your convenience, there are categories in the right column that sort posts by a particular topic.)