I had an appointment with my dentist today to take the final impressions for my dental implant. As the dentist checked everything out and the hygienist prepared the gooey substance to form the impression, I asked the dentist if my implant had a number engraved on it. He took my questions seriously and after inserting the tray of paste in my mouth, began to explain that implants do have numbers but they aren’t engraved on the actual implant. After a long explanation and three minutes of waiting for the paste to harden, he removed the tray and asked if he had answered my question. I told him I was just curious since I had a collection of signed and numbered parts and wondered if I was going to have to keep track of this number as well.

We then entertained ourselves discussing whether they ever recall implants like they do cars. I can just see myself watching that story on the news then logging into a website to see if my implant has been recalled. How long and where do people actually keep these implant numbers? The nurse handed me a card after my reconstruction surgeries with my breast implant numbers on it, but I haven’t determined what to name the file for it. And I kid you not, the implant card instructs me to register my implant online. Are they kidding? Isn’t this some sort of breach of patient privacy? Do I really want to get on a website and register my boobs?

Our discussion turned back to finishing my implant and the dentist told me it would take about 2 1/2 weeks to get my final crown. I told him that I had been really good this year and had asked Santa if I could have my front tooth for Christmas. The dentist told me that I must not have been that good because my tooth wouldn’t be ready until the 30th. Bummer.

Rather than focusing on my disappointment, I think I will spend my energy on coming up with a creative file name for my implant numbers. Maybe Its and Bits . . .